A Blackthorn Faerie-Tale
by SeeliePrincess19
Summary: ON HOLD FOR NOW! This story follows 15-year old Helen Blackthorn who is dealing with her step-mother's sudden death as well as struggling with her sexuality. She slowly takes over her father's job at the Los Angeles Institute while trying to figure out her feelings for a girl and find the one true love. Basically the Prequel to my first story "City of True Love".
1. Chapter 1 - The Beginning

**Hello there!**

**So while I was writing my first story "City of True Love" (which is still in progress) I started growing to really like Helen Blackthorn and I thought about all the things that we know from the actual series by Cassandra Clare had happened to her. Very early Helen had to take on the responsibility for her siblings and the Los Angeles Institute. While doing so she also had to learn that she was probably bisexual and had to deal with those feelings as well.**  
** My story starts when Helen is 15 years old, presumably when her step-mother died. I will try to cover all three years until she meets Aline and maybe later this story will connect to my first one "City of True Love." We'll see!**

**I don't own any of the characters (except the step-mother which existed in the books, but I made up my own version and their tutor Katerina whose character I slightly changed to adjust to my story). They all belong to the amazing Cassandra Clare.**

**Reviews are appreciated! **

**SeeliePrincess19**

* * *

Helen closed the room to her door carefully and started off down the hallways. The shrieks of her siblings filled the air, muffled only through the door that was next to hers, but she didn't bother, not this time.

She buried her hands deep in the pockets of her black pants she was still wearing from the training this morning and wandered the corridors of the second floor. As she passed one of the large windows she remained for a second, staring out on the ocean. Crystal blue water stretched out in front of her and the sky was empty of clouds. The weather was usually nice in Los Angeles, but Helen still appreciated every hour of sun. She liked staying outside on the beach, liked the feel of the warm sand between her toes and the rays of the sun tickling her face. Never would she want to leave this place she called her home.

She continued her path down the corridor. The Institute was eerily quiet. There hadn't been any demonic activities for weeks and Helen guessed that this was a good thing, but she itched to hunt demons again. Her brother Mark and her who were both children to a Shadowhunter and a faerie had been demon hunting together ever since Mark had started his training three years ago. She remembered how excited she'd been when he received his first Mark, although she knew that it would hurt him. Helen had experienced the same pain when the Voyance rune had been placed upon her. It had been a stinging pain, the tip of the stele hot against her skin. She had been warned that receiving someone's first Mark would hurt, but the pain never left. Every time she touched a stele to her skin to draw one of the Angel's rune it hurt due to the Downworlder blood that ran through her veins.

Her father had never pushed her into being a Shadowhunter. He had raised both of them after their mother had left, had cared for them passionately, but he had never forced them to become something they didn't wanted. They had been offered to be trained as Shadowhunters and they had both gladly accepted. Helen never felt as if she had a choice to make; it was clear to her from the beginning that she was one of them, a Nephilim.

Helen lowered her gaze and stared at the Voyance rune, a permanent rune that would adorn the back of her hand for the rest of her life. She had gotten used to the sight of it and usually she didn't even notice it.

She turned the corner and stopped in front of the wide two-winged door that stood open as always. Gazing into the spacious living room she spotted her father sitting by the window, his back to Helen and staring at the beautiful blue sky. He had his arm propped around the shoulder of his wife, Helen's step-mother.

Helen lifted her hand and knocked on the wood of the door frame, not wanting to scare them. Her faerie blood gave her the ability to walk swiftly and nearly motionlessly and sometimes it even startled her own family. Her step-mother, Viviane, turned her head and upon seeing Helen her gray eyes, the color of iron, brightened. Her lips curled into a smile.

"Helen, come sit with us," she offered and Helen crossed the room, taking a seat opposite them obediently. Her father Andrew was smiling at her too, his remarkable blue-green Blackthorn eyes fixed on her. Most of his children had inherited his looks. Julian, Livia and Drusilla had the same tousled dark brown hair he had and they all shared the same eye color, even Helen and Mark who had a different mother. Their hair however was blond as had been their mother's. The only exception was Tiberius, the twin brother of Livia. His hair was the color of black charcoal like Viviane's curls and he was the only one who had inherited the grey of her eyes.

Helen leaned back in the chair, trying to make herself feel comfortable.

"It's a nice day, isn't it?" Viviane said happily. Helen nodded, eyeing her step-mother. She was petite compared to her tall husband and compact. Some would say she was too curvy, but Helen thought she looked beautiful. She always had a smile on her lips and a motherly warmth was radiating from her constantly. Helen had soon grown to love her after her father had introduced Viviane to her and her brother. Although she had never called Viviane her mother she had treated her with the respect one only gave a parent. In return Viviane had loved her and Mark unconditionally, raising them like her own.

One was likely to fall in love with Viviane, Helen thought. There were only a few people who could brighten your day like Viviane did. She was a compassionate mother, one who would always look at you with all the love she had and would make you smile by giving you one of her smiles. Helen had tried to learn as much as possible from Viviane as she could throughout the years, so that one day she would be a mother as great as she was.

Helen's eyes drifted to Viviane's womb which she was stroking absent-mindedly. She was about to give birth to her fifth child soon and although she had experienced pain and sickness during her last pregnancy she almost flared up with energy now.

"Are you alright?" Andrew asked worriedly, snapping Helen out of her reverie.

"Yes, I am," she replied, nodding wildly which made her golden curls bounce. "I wanted to talk to you about something."

"Anything," Andrew said, smiling at his daughter encouragingly.

Helen took a deep breath and folded her hands in her lap to stop them from trembling. She wasn't afraid of telling them, not really. All her life she had been able to tell them anything and she had never kept any secrets. Her father was an open-hearted man and Viviane had always been very understanding. What scared Helen most was that she had to say the things she had thought about for months out loud which would make it seem more real to her. She had hidden from her feelings, had tried to ignore them, almost bursting under the pressure. Now she wasn't able to contain the chaos that was whirling inside her and she had to tell them. Who else would she talk to?

Helen inhaled deeply, deciding that she would just rip it off like someone might remove a Band-Aid and said, "I think I'm bisexual."

She forced herself to keep her head up and her eyes towards her parents, but a part of her just wanted to run away, to not see their reaction. Both however remained still, mutely returning Helen's gaze. Viviane had a thoughtful look on her face as if she was trying to find the right words. Andrew only smiled at his daughter.

Helen had expected a lot, but this silence was not one of those things. She glared at them impatiently. "Aren't you going to say something?"

"Is there something to say?" Andrew retorted. "We just want you to be happy."

Helen gasped like a fish on the open, unable to speak. She had expected him to say at least something. It somehow made her furious that he didn't. Maybe she should just be happy that he accepted it, but this wasn't the reason she had approached them. She had never doubted for a second that he would approve of it. He didn't like telling his children what to do, but this time Helen had wished it had been different. When she had first started feeling the things she felt when looking at a girl she had been scared, confused, even angry at herself. She wanted it to go away and there was no one else to talk to. She had hoped they would help her figuring out her feelings.

Helen shot them a glance as if to show them how badly she wanted them to say _something_.

"What your father was trying to say," Viviane began, realizing Helen's despair, "is that we are okay with whoever you love as long as it makes you happy. There is nothing wrong about it, Helen. If you think being with a girl is what you want then so be it. Stop wavering over something you can't change anyway."

Helen sighed, relieved that at least Viviane said something that actually helped. "I don't even know if I could love girls, but I noticed that I find them particularly attractive. There is this one girl –" Helen stopped, slightly blushing. She cleared her throat and continued, "I have been daydreaming about her for months the way I had dreamed about boys before. Is this even possible? To love both?"

Helen lowered her gaze, staring at her fingernails. Her heart was pounding wildly in her chest and she felt kind of dizzy. It felt weird to finally have said the words out loud.

"Of course it is possible," Viviane said, and Helen's head tilted up. Their gaze met. "Why wouldn't it be? Love isn't a question of gender, but of character. At first we fall in love with what we see on the outside, but in the end it is the character of a person that will let us experience true love and affection."

"Viviane's right," Andrew added. He had his arm still placed around his wife's shoulder, stroking her upper arm slightly with the tips of his fingers. "You shouldn't just concentrate on what you see."

Helen shook her head vehemently. "I know this already. You taught me that, to appreciate the beauty of the inside, the one that was buried deep down in the soul. It doesn't help me now. I am confused."

She raked her hand through her curls frantically, entangling them. "What should I do? I was hoping you could help me."

"Helen, you have to figure this out on your own," Viviane said sadly, "but let me give you some advice: You're only fifteen, you got plenty of time to find your way. Go out, have fun, meet new people and date. If you don't date you will never know."

Helen looked at Viviane and all of sudden felt drained as if all her energy had vanished. "I guess you're right."

"You'll be fine," Viviane said encouragingly. "And you know that you can come to me, to us, anytime you want. We might not be able to help you with your feelings, but we'll do our best to help you with the rest."

Helen's lips curled into a weak smile and she muttered, "Thank you."

"We love you, sweetheart," Andrew said and Helen smiled a bit more. "You'll do great, I am sure of it."

Helen slowly rose of her chair. "Thanks for the talk."

Andrew waved at her dismissively. "No, please, you're welcome at any time."

Helen nodded and crossed the room. She turned around on the threshold to see her father pressing a kiss to his wife's cheek. They stared at each other happily, the look only two people who were in love would share with each other. Helen wished that one day she would find that one person who would look at her that way.

Helen turned and rushed down the hallway, eager to find some company.

* * *

"That's mine! I want it back!"

Seven year old Tiberius was sitting on the floor, his eyes filled with tears and his hands clenched into fists. He shot an angry glance at his five-year old sister Drusilla who had her arms wrapped around his favorite stuffed animal.

"I want to play with it now," Dru retorted, sticking out her tongue.

"But it's his," cried Livia, Ty's twin sister. She reached for the stuffed animal, a bee that looked already worn down, but Drusilla turned away quickly, clutching the bee even tighter to her body.

"No, he has it all the time!"

"Stop! All of you!"

All three of them whirled around as their nine-year old brother Julian leaped up his seat where he had been doodling on a piece of paper. His pen clattered to the floor and he glared at them furiously.

"Could you please stop yelling?" he hissed. He walked over to where Drusilla was sitting and her big blue-green eyes stared at him, scared. Julian bent down on his knees to be on eye-level with his sister and said carefully, "Silla, you know this is Ty's bee, don't you?"

Drusilla stared at him blankly, the grip on the animal still firm.

"She took it from him!" Livvy yelled, and Jules gestured her to be silent. She shut her mouth obediently and sank down next to Ty to comfort him.

"Dru, you can't just take his toys away from him," Jules started a new attempt. "There are enough stuffed animals in this house for all of us. Why would you wan't to take away Ty's?"

Drusilla said nothing, but her lower lip had started to tremble as if she was about to cry. Immediately Jules' expression softened. He couldn't be angry at any of his siblings. He loved them too much, but he felt especially protective over Ty. Every once in a while Jules and Ty would have a fight, because they were too different, but in the end Tiberius was his favourite brother. He loved him and he cared for him deeply. He wouldn't let anyone hurt him, not even one of his sisters.

"Do you think you can give it back to him?" Jules asked carefully. "I promise I'll get you your own."

Drusilla lowered her gaze, staring at the bee longingly. She seemed as if to consider it for a few more seconds until she stood up slowly and handed it back to Ty.

Tiberius' eyes lit up and he almost ripped the bee out of Drusilla's hand. He hugged it tightly, smiling, and he and Livia continued their game. Drusilla collapsed on one of the chairs next to the grate, pouting. Jules eyes followed her sister sadly as the door to his side flung open.

He flinched, not having expected someone to join them, and stared at his half-sister Helen incredulously.

"There you are," Helen sighed, breathing heavy as if she'd been running a marathon.

"Where else would we be?" Julian asked baffled. Helen shrugged, her gaze drifting through the room her father playfully called 'the place of destruction'. It was furnished simple, with a couch and two love seats, a coffee table, a shelf full of books and lots of toys that lay strewn all over the floor. It served as an indoor playground for Helen's younger siblings, but she had spent several hours in here as well, looking after her brothers and sisters while reading a book.

"What happened?" she asked Julian now as her eyes met Drusilla's. The little girl looked shattered, her lower lip protruding and her arms crossed in front of her chest.

"She took away Ty's bee," Julian explained. "I said I would get her a new toy."

Helen smiled. "That's nice of you."

It wasn't the first time that Julian had surprised her. He was pretty mature for his age and she admired him for his lovable, soft character. Julian was an artist. He loved to draw, and he was calm and thoughtful and Helen loved him for that. He was a fighter too. Every time she and Mark trained he begged them to take him in, to teach him how to throw knives and hold a dagger, but he was too young. Helen would then comfort him and tell him that he had to wait only a few more months. The ceremony of his first runing was set to happen right after his tenth birthday, but of course he was too impatient. Helen remembered how she had felt.

Julian eyed his sister sidelong. "Are you okay?"

Helen looked at her brother bewildered. Sometimes she forget that Jules was not only soft, but also sensitive.

"What?" she stammered. "Yes, I am fine."

"Are you sure?" Julian asked. "You look kind of...stressed."

Helen shook her head vehemently. She didn't want him to see that something was indeed bothering her. He didn't need to know about it.

"I...I just feel sorry for Dru," Helen lied and quickly crossed the room to sit down next to her sister, pulling her into her arms. Drusilla instantly relaxed, and Helen brushed a soft kiss on her head.

Again the door flung open and this time it was Helen's younger brother Mark, followed by their tutor Katerina. Helen went rigid, and Drusilla stirred at her body.

"What's going on?" Dru asked confused and followed the gaze of her sister who was staring at the newcomers. Helen tried to hush up the fact that she was blushing and that her heart was pounding wildly in her chest. She also struggled to keep her gaze from Katerina, but she couldn't. She watched the girl approach her, her long black wavy hair swinging behind her back.

Katerina stopped in front of Helen, her eyes locked on the half-faerie. As always there was a firm expression on her face. Helen swallowed against the lump in her throat. Her siblings had stopped whatever they were doing and were looking at her, eyes widened.

"Did...did something happen?" Helen stuttered, her face turning even redder. She knew that everyone would be able to see it and cursed herself for her pale half-faerie skin.

"We got a call," Katerina said dryly. Mark had positioned himself behind his tutor, barely reaching over her shoulder to look at Helen. His eyes were gleaming in excitement and he said, "There are demons in Downtown and we are going to fight them." Only now Helen noticed that both of them were wearing gear and the tip of a bow was protruding over the curve of Mark's shoulder.

"Thank you, Mark. This was supposed to be my sentence," Katerina hissed, glaring at Mark. "Anyways, I asked your father for permission to take you with me and he agreed. Go get your weapons, we have to leave immediately!"

At first Helen was to busy staring at Katerina's almond-shaped eyes, the color of the ocean on a sunny day, and it took her a few seconds to realize that she was talking to her.

"Oh, yes," she said, feeling deeply embarrassed. She pushed Drusilla slightly away from her, her little sister wrapping her hands around Helen's wrist and muttering angrily, "Do you really have to leave?"

"I'll take care of you," Jules interrupted as Helen struggled out of Drusilla's grip. Dru opened her mouth to object, but decided not to as her eyes met with Katerina's strict ones.

"We'll meet outside in five minutes," Katerina said and vanished, Mark on her heels like an obedient puppy. Helen looked back at her brother Jules one last time. He was already busy trying to find a new toy with Drusilla.

Out on the hallway Helen let out a sigh before sprinting down to the weapons room. By the time she reached it her head was spinning and she felt dizzy. She couldn't decide however if it was because she had raced through the corridors of the Institute or because she still felt embarrassed for staring at her tutor like she had.

Helen burst into the weapons room, frantically searching for a bow and arrows, as she was struggling to think straight. She couldn't find what she was looking for, and her eyes started to fill with tears of anger.

"Damn it!" Helen cursed as she cut her finger at a dagger while looking through one of the storage boxes. She dropped to the floor, sucking the blood from the tiny scratch, and felt a hot tear rolling down her cheek.  
She wiped it away angrily, cursing even more. There was no way out of her misery. She had to face it. But why of all people did she have to fall for her tutor?

Helen shook her head to clear her mind and leaped up. She wouldn't hide here like a coward, she would fight. After tucking two daggers and a seraph blade into her weapons belt she left, heading downstairs, and her heart skipped a beat by the thought of Katerina awaiting her.


	2. Chapter 2 - The Raum Demon

**Kt, thank you for your review. I am glad to hear that you enjoy this story as well. I just have to write about Helen! **

**Also thanks to whoever wrote the anonymous review. I am happy that I could gain another fan! :)**

* * *

Helen dashed down the front steps and came to a halt in front of Katerina. Her tutor was eyeing her suspiciously.

"You're late," she said dryly, her jaw set.

"I...I'm sorry," Helen said, gasping for air. After she had retrieved daggers and blades from the weapons room she had rushed back to her bedroom to change into gear and grab her stele. She had ran downstairs as fast as she could; now she was covered in sweat and her hair ruffled her was plastered to her forehead. Helen tucked a coil of gold blond hair behind her ear and asked, "Where are we going?"

"To the Staples Center," Katerina said while pulling out her stele and quickly pressing its tip to Helen's lower arm.

"Ouch," Helen exclaimed, trying to retreat, but Katerina had her grip tight around Helen's wrist.

"You need to be glamoured," Katerina said. "There is a game of the Los Angeles Kings taking place right now."

Katerina finished the rune and put the stele back into her pocket. "Now let's get going. We lost too much time already."

Katerina turned the corner, Mark following her blindly. Helen stared at the rune on her arm, thinking of how it had felt to have Katerina's hands touching her. She shrugged and dashed off to where the others were awaiting her.

A shimmering Portal was set into the stone wall, hidden behind a big palm tree. Mark had already vanished and Katerina rolled her eyes at Helen, clearly annoyed. Helen hastily stepped up to the Portal and disappeared into it, the whirl sucking her in and spitting her out on an entirely new place.

Helen cursed as she dropped to the ground, bruising her elbow. She rolled on her back and the face of her brother appeared above her.

"Are you okay?" Mark asked worriedly.

"I'm fine," she hissed, struggling to her feet. She padded off the dust on her pants as Katerina emerged through the Portal.

"Where are we?" Mark asked, his gaze drifting through the corridor they were in. It looked like an abandoned underground hallway, with grey painted walls and a stone floor. There were now windows and the dim light came from a set of light bulbs, hanging loosely along the ceiling. It smelled like mildew and something dead.

Katerina reached for her witchlight and it flared up at her touch, partly illuminating her face. Her dark, long lashes were casting shadows down her face and for a moment Helen was paralyzed by her beauty. Katerina was part Indonesian which gave her skin a caramel tone and made her face look soft and delicate. Her body was slender, but Katerina didn't look weak. She was strong and fierce, her almond-shaped eyes gleaming with the adrenaline of the oncoming battle that rushed through her body.

Mark had retrieved his witchlight as well and nudged Helen with his elbow. Helen shot him an angry glance before reaching for her own witchlight.

"Stop playing around," Katerina scolded them. "We are underneath the stadium right now. We need to find the staircase."

Katerina started off down the hallway, one hand wrapped around the witchlight and one holding a sensor to detect the demons. Mark and Helen followed, their boots clicking over the smooth stone floor.

Katerina turned her head to shush them and continued her path. Footsteps carried down from the upper floor, people rushing to and fro to find their seats. Helen had always been fascinated by mundanes and how gullible and stupid they were. They lived among malicious creatures like demons, vampires and faeries and didn't even realize they were there. Too busy with their trivial problems they were too blind to see what was happening around them. Only a few mundanes had the Sight and were able to actually see the Shadow World.

Sometimes, however, Helen was even jealous of them. They didn't have to risk their life every day. As a child for a short period of time Helen had wished to be normal, a mundane, but when she had killed her first demon at the age of eleven she knew why she was born a Shadowhunter. It was her destiny; it was what she was supposed to be.

Her first encounter with a demon had only been an unlucky coincidence, nothing she had planned for. He had attacked her out of the blue and she had to defend herself. Since then she had killed dozens of demons, hunting them down and slaying them. So far it had only been minor demons, ones that were easy to kill.

Too lost in her thoughts Helen didn't notice her brother stopping and she bumped right into him.

"Uff." All the air was pressed out of her lungs. Mark whirled around about to snap at her, but Katerina interrupted him.

"I think we don't need to look for the staircase anymore."

Helen tentatively lifter her head and she startled. A few feet ahead of Katerina she could spot two demons in the shadows, their hooting noises causing Helen a shiver down her spine.

Katerina flashed her witchlight at them and Helen was able to see them clearly. They had the size of an elongated human with white, scaled skin. Their bulging black, pupil-less eyes were staring back at Helen, and their slick tentacles were flipping around uncontrollably. Helen recognized that kind of demon immediately, a Raum demon whose most dangerous weapons were his tentacles tipped with poisonous red suckers. The stench of rotted garbage filled the air and Helen had to keep herself from gagging.

Katerina had exchanged her sensor for a kindjal, a double-edged dagger. She was still holding her witchlight as there was no other light source.

"Stay behind!" Katerina yelled. "Raum demons are very dangerous and poisonous; I don't want you to get hurt."

"But -" Mark tried to object, but Katerina had already lunged forward. The first Raum demon lashed at Katerina with one of his tentacle, missing her by inches. Katerina flung her blade, whirling around gracefully, and sliced at the demon. Ichor spit from his wound and the rotten stench got worse.

"We can't just stay here and watch," Helen said alarmed, reaching back over her shoulder for her seraph blade. She drew the weapon, the hilt slippery in her trembling hands. Helen tried to repress the anxiety that was building up inside her, threatening her to faint.

"Katerina told us to," Mark retorted. Helen looked at her brother. Under the locks of his gold blond hair he was paler than ever and his eyes widened in fear.

"We came here to fight," Helen said and added, "There is two of them. She can't kill them both, they will kill her first."

Helen's eyes followed Katerina's movements as the girl ducked to evade a strike of tentacles and lashed out to bury her weapon into the flesh of the demon. The second Raum demon reached for Katerina with his circular mouth, his sharp teeth brushing Katrina's shoulder. The girl was able to pull away before he could embed them into her skin.

Helen's heart leaped and she dashed forward, swinging her blade belligerently. She attacked the first Raum demon, cutting a deep gash into one of his tentacles. The creature growled angrily, his other tentacle wiping around, almost hitting Helen on the head.

Katerina shot Helen a glance, opening her mouth to scream at her, but whirled around instead as the demon attacked her. For a moment Helen was too sidetracked to see that the demon she had wounded was getting back at her, his round mouth greedily lunging for her. Helen stared at the creature in shock, unable to move. She clutched tightly at her blade, but her hands wouldn't work. As the demon came closer, the awful smell of his breath tickling Helen's nose, she shut her eyes hoping she would escape him that way. She steeled herself for the demon to attack when she felt something whooshing by her.  
Tentatively she opened her eyes the moment the tip of an arrow embedded in his chest. Helen flipped her head back and her eyes met with her brother's. Mark was already fixing a second arrow to his bow, his hands shaking during the process. The expression on his face was set and his posture stiff. He still seemed nervous.

Helen staggered to her feet as the demon slumped to the ground.

"It's still alive!" Mark yelled, and Helen lifted her blade, thrusting it into the creature's body. Black ichor sprayed from the wound, covering Helen's arm. It made a gurgling noise, flipping around at Helen's feet and then it vanished.

Helen stared at the spot where the creature had lain, nothing left behind, not even a fleck of his blood. The stench however was still bothering Helen and she felt dizzy, the adrenaline that had shot through her body slowly subsiding. She wavered, almost tripping, and she propped herself up at the wall with one hand.

"Helen, watch out!"

It took her a second to realize that it had been Katerina calling her name. She turned her head slowly, still shaken, and was facing the second Raum demon. He dashed forward, both of his tentacles lashing for her. Helen tightened the grip on her blade, but before she could bury the weapon in the creature's body something hit her from the side and she dropped to the floor. As she hit the wall with her head she lost hold on the hilt of her blade and it slid over the stone floor.

Her eyes darted up and she saw Katerina who had taken her place. There had been no time for Katerina to avert the demon's blow and his tentacle hit her at the shoulder, his suckers clinging to her skin. A cry escaped Katerina's throat and she wiggled her wrist, thrusting her kindjal into the demon's heart.

The creature growled and let go of Katerina. It staggered backwards and vanished like his companion had.

Katerina sunk to the ground, her left hand pressed to her wound. Helen crawled up to her, her feet still too wobbly to walk; Mark dropped to his knees next to Katerina.

Katerina had her eyes squeezed shut; her pale face was contorted with pain. Blood was welling through her fingers.

"We need to get you back," Mark said terrified. "You will die."

Again Helen had to steady herself, leaning against the wall. This was all her fault. She had disregarded her tutor's order to stay out of the way. Helen stared blankly at her brother as he helped Katerina up.

"How are we going to get back?" Mark ask, panic coloring his voice.

"If no one of you is skilled enough to draw a Portal then we will have to take the bus," Katerina muttered. Her face was shining with sweat and she had started to shiver. Helen and Mark fell silent, knowing that no one except warlocks could open a Portal or build permanent ones like the one they had come through, and Katerina said, "I thought so."

Somehow they managed to find their way out of the underground maze. The game was now in full swing and the stadium was filled with the laughter and bawling of the visitors. They tumbled outside, Katerina slowly losing her consciousness.

Helen blinked at the bright sun, trying to find the bus stop. As always the weather was nice and hot in Los Angeles, the heat pressing down on them. The place in front of the stadium was crowded with people who were strolling along Downtown, enjoying their Saturday afternoon.

Luckily the bus was just pulling up at the curb and Helen dashed forward, knowing that the bus driver wouldn't wait for them as he couldn't see them. He was about to close the doors when Mark tumbled into the vehicle, dragging Katerina in with him. He carefully placed Katerina on an empty seat. Her eyelids fluttered, but other than that she was motionless.

"I'm screwed," Helen muttered. "Dad will never allow me to go demon hunting again."

Her eyes met Mark's, the same color of blue-green. Although he looked worried too he tried to comfort her, "He won't punish you. It wasn't your fault; we were just trying to help. Don't worry."

They spent the rest of the drive in silence and Helen never took her eyes off Katerina, not even for a second.

* * *

"What happened?" Andrew asked, his eyes darting to Katerina who was lying on one of the beds in the infirmary, covered by sheets and a Silent Brother bending over her.

"It was an accident," Helen said nervously. "I...I didn't see the Raum demon attacking me and she saved me. She took the blow for me."

"Is this true, Mark?" her father asked and her brother nodded hastily. Helen had her head lowered, not wanting to face her father. She had never seen him angry and she didn't want to see him now.

Andrew sighed. "I'm so glad you're not hurt."

Helen startled and her head shot up. "What? You're not mad?"

Helen gazed at her father. He looked as always, a weak smile playing at the curve of his mouth.

"Of course not," he said. "I allowed you to go. If this is anyone's fault then it's mine. Although I wish you had listened to your tutor."

Helen glanced at her brother sidelong and he gave her an apologetic look. He had given in under his father's questioning and had told him that they had been supposed to stay away from the demons.

"Well, what's done is done," Andrew said. "We can only hope that Katerina will recover."

Helen was crestfallen. If anything happened to Katerina she would blame herself even though her father had said it was his fault. She knew it wasn't true, because she was the one who had been too blind to see the demon attacking her. Katerina had risked her life for her.

Helen flinched as she heard the voice of the Silent Brother in her head. _  
She will recover. It was only a small amount of poison that made it into her system. _The Silent Brother approached them, his parchment robe rustling at his movements.

"Thank you, Brother Enoch," Andrew said and the Brother nodded mutely. He vanished, taking with him the chill he had caused Helen. The presence of Silence Brothers was always discomforting.

"Can I talk to her now?" Helen begged her father.

"I'm afraid she is still unconscious," Andrew sad sadly but added quickly, "but I think it's okay if you sit with her. She can use some company."

Helen nodded and took a deep breath before turning towards the bed Katerina was sleeping in. She approached the girl, hypnotized by her, and she didn't even notice that her father and brother left. She sank down on the chair next to the bed and her heart skipped a beat as she saw the blood that had seeped through the bandage at Katerina's shoulder. Nausea overwhelmed her and she pressed her hand to her belly. Only now she noticed that she hadn't had any food after training this morning. She had gone straight to her parents. Her stomach gave a desperate sound of hunger, clenching together in a knot.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered. Maybe Katerina couldn't hear her, but there was still a chance that she might would. Helen needed to tell her how bad she felt for what she'd done.

"I should have listened to you," Helen admitted and tears were stinging the back of her eyes. She forced them back, grabbing a piece of the blanket and knitting it restlessly. She waited until the anger had subsided and leaned back in the chair, her gaze firmly on the sleeping Katerina.

Even now, lying on that bed and paled through her injury, Katerina looked beautiful. The curve of her mouth was exquisite, her cheekbones delicate. Katerina wasn't the first girl Helen had considered lovely to look at. She had recognized other girls before, had admired their eyes or their hair or the way their body had moved. Katerina however was the first Helen was staring at when she didn't look, the first one she truly felt attracted too. Helen liked boys too. She had kissed them before and she had liked it, but she hadn't been in love with any of them. But as she was looking at Katerina, her pretty face framed by her dark coils of hair, Helen thought that this time she might be able to fall in love.


	3. Chapter 3 - The Pain of Rejection

Helen ducked as a piece of cauliflower came flying her way.  
"Drusilla! Will you please stop that?" she exclaimed frustrated, trying to calm down her younger sister.

"I hate cauliflower!" Drusilla cried and pouted, glaring at Helen.

"But that's no reason to throw it at me," Helen retorted angrily.

Livia and Tiberius giggled and Helen shot them a glance. "Eat your vegetables," she ordered, but they didn't seem to listen. Livia was pulling faces which Ty found particularly funny.

Helen sighed in exasperation, returning her attention to Drusilla who was still pouting.

"Dru, please," Helen begged. "You don't need to eat the cauliflower, but could you please at least eat the carrots?"

Drusilla shook her head vehemently, her pigtails swinging in her movements. Helen snorted and buried her face in her hands.

"Having trouble to feed Drusilla her vitamins?"

Helen peered through her fingers at her step-mother. Viviane smiled at her encouragingly and took the seat next to her, breathing heavy under the weight of her belly.

"She won't eat her meal," Helen sighed.

Viviane nodded and turned to face her daughter. "Drusilla, sweetheart, why are you giving your big sister such a hard time? All she wants for you is to be healthy and eat your vegetables. Don't you want to grow strong and tall as her?"

Drusilla looked at her mother with big eyes. "I want to grow strong." Her lower lip was trembling.

"Well, then you will have to eat your cauliflower like Helen did when she was your age," her mother said sternly, "or otherwise you will stay small like this."

Drusilla stared at her in panic and hastily reached for her fork to pop a cauliflower in her mouth.

"So this is how you do it?" Helen asked skeptically. "Scare them to death?"

Viviane chuckled, one hand gently stroking her belly. "I have enough practice in getting them to eat their vegetables."

"I'll be a lousy mother," Helen said sounding desperate.

"No, you won't," Viviane retorted. "You'll be a great mother. Someone who has as many siblings as you have can only become great with kids, and family has always been important to you."

"I guess you're right," Helen admitted, watching Drusilla who was now nearly devouring her meal. Livia and Tiberius had completely neglected theirs, but at least they had eaten half of it. Now they were out on the deck, Livia pointing out a seagull sailing through the air.

"How's Katerina?" Viviane asked. By the sound of her tutor's name Helen had to keep herself from flinching. It had been three days since they went out to the Staples Center and Katerina had got hurt by a poisonous Raum demon. For the first two days she had been unconscious, but Helen's father Andrew had told her yesterday that she was awake and well. Helen hadn't been able yet to force herself to go look after Katerina. She still felt guilty and embarrassed.

"She's fine," Helen muttered.

"Aren't you going to see her?" Viviane asked, her eyebrows drawn together in concern. "You should. She'll be happy to see you."

Helen shook her head. "No, she won't. It's my fault that she got hurt. If it wasn't for me she wouldn't be lying in that bed right now."

"Helen, it's not your fault," Viviane said, patting Helen's hand lightly with her own. "She knew what she was up to when she left with you and Mark."

Helen said nothing, swallowing the awful taste that had built up in her mouth as she thought of the demon attacking Katerina.

"You should go talk to her," Viviane urged. "I'm sure she is not mad at you for what had happened."

Helen's eyes drifted to the large window front that faced the ocean. As always the weather was clear and the water crystal blue. A soft breeze rushed in through the open door, playfully lifting Helen's curls. She could smell the ocean and the wet sand and longed for a walk on the beach.

"Honey, you know I'm right," Viviane said, and Helen had to suppress a giggle. Her step-mother always hit the right spot.

Helen leaped up her seat, casting one wistful look back at the ocean, and left the kitchen. She made her way swiftly down to the infirmary and was surprised to find Katerina sitting in an upright position in her bed. She was dressed in a light, white nightgown and the bandage at her shoulder was showing through the thin fabric. The color had returned to her cheeks and her eyes were gleaming with energy like they usually did. She was in a deep conversation with Mark who sat on a chair by her bed.

Helen hesitated, thinking about leaving, but she was stopped by her brother.

"Hey, Helen," he said, waving at her eagerly. Immediately Katerina whirled around to look at Helen. She didn't seem surprised or mad, her expression was neutral.

"Helen, please join us," Katerina said calmly and Helen slowly approached them, taking the seat next to Mark.

"We were just talking about you," Mark grinned and Helen blushed.

"Why?" she asked nervously.

Mark said nothing, but continued his smirk.

"You were brave," Katerina said. Helen stared at her tutor, taken aback. She had expected her to shout or else, but not to compliment her.

"Don't look so shocked," Katerina said, smiling. "I mean what I said. I have seen a lot of Shadowhunters your age while I was travelling Europe, but none of them were as brave and fierce as you were. Your brother surprised me too."

At that Mark's chest swelled with pride and his lips curled into a broad grin.

"But...," Helen stammered, "you got hurt because of me."

"Oh, silly," Katerina said, shaking her head. It was odd seeing Katerina in such a good mood. Usually her tutor was an earnest person who barely laughed. Her job had always seemed too important to her and she was determined in training Helen and Mark to become great Shadowhunters. Nothing would keep her from doing that.

Helen was still staring at Katerina, her mouth partly opened.

"Shadowhunters of your age with that little amount of training you have wouldn't just go off at a Raum demon," Katerina explained. "They are one of the most dangerous creatures because of their poison which you see is indeed pretty nasty."

Helen was unable to speak and she followed the movements of Katerina's lips as the girl rose her voice again, "I know you have killed other demons before, but it were minor ones. Those demons were serious stuff. You were brave to go against my order and attack them anyway."

Helen looked at her baffled. "But...I got you hurt!"

"It wasn't your fault," Katerina said and added before Helen could interject, "I was fighting the Raum demon when he escaped and attacked you. I should have paid more attention."

"It's not your fault," Helen retorted frustrated. "It is mine. What I did wasn't brave it was stupid."

Tears of anger were stinging her eyes, but she pushed them back angrily. She held her gaze sternly on the window behind Katerina where she could see the crystal blue ocean stretched out. She couldn't bear looking at her tutor any longer.

"Maybe you can give us a minute?" she heard Katerina say and then she caught a glimpse of her brother Mark leaving.

"Helen, will you please look at me?" Katerina said once they were alone, but Helen kept her eyes on the window. "I taught you to be brave. I want you to be proud of yourself for fighting that demon, but instead you're wavering about it. But why? I am fine, Helen. You don't have to worry about me and you really don't have to blame yourself."

Helen said nothing, still avoiding Katerina's gaze. Katerina sighed and shifted in her bed, leaning in on Helen.

"Would you please look at me and tell me what's bothering you?" Katerina begged. The half-faerie lifted her head hesitantly and found herself almost nose to nose with Katerina. Her heart skipped a beat. This close she could see every tiny freckle on Katerina's cheeks. The reflection of the light streaming through the windows made her eyes gleam, and Helen thought she would faint.

Katerina must have sensed Helen's apprehension as she retreated a few inches. Their eyes were still locked and neither of the girls seemed willing to give in.

"Either you tell me what's going on with you or I'll ask your brother," Katerina threatened and Helen blinked at her in disbelieve.

"Why would you do that?" she said bewildered.

"Because I want to know what's going on and if you're not going to tell me..." She left the sentence unfinished, her gaze fixed sternly on Helen.

Helen startled and swallowed hard against the lump in her throat.

"I...I...," she stammered, but the words wouldn't come out. Katerina kept her eyes steady on Helen.

Helen bit down on her lip. As a child she had learned that it was always best if you were honest. Lies would only complicate your life and make things worse. She inhaled deeply, steeling herself for saying the truth.

"I... I do blame myself for what had happened," Helen said. Katerina opened her mouth to object, but Helen stopped her.

"I am worried about you, because -" she paused. Her heart was pounding achingly in her chest and she closed her eyes, too afraid to see Katerina's reaction. "Because I really like you."

Her eyes flew open. She let out a sigh of relief and collapsed back in her chair. Panic started rising up her throat as she saw the shock on Katerina's face.

"What have I done?" she muttered, but Katerina didn't hear her. Her tutor continued staring at Helen in disbelieve, her crystal-blue eyes widened. Never before had Helen seen her loose her composure as well her capability of words. Katerina had always something cocky to say, but now she was gasping for words in vain.

"I am sorry," Helen mumbled, but this time Katerina heard her.

"What do you mean, you like me?" Katerina asked baffled. "Isn't it a good thing that you like me? After all I'm your tutor."

"I think I might like you too much," Helen admitted and she felt her cheeks turn red-hot as she blushed. She forced herself to keep looking at Katerina, but her tutor's expression was unreadable. She could tell that Katerina was gritting her teeth, but her eyes were blank.

"I am sorry," Helen repeated and shifted on her seat as if to get up.

"No, please don't apologize," Katerina said quickly and Helen stayed put on her chair. Helen eyed her tutor anxiously, waiting for her to continue talking.

"Helen, I am really flattered," Katerina said carefully, "but you know that this can't happen. There is more than one reason why you can't feel that way about me."

Helen felt as if a bucket of hot water had been emptied above her head and the steaming liquid was now burning her skin. For a second there was a piercing noise in her ears that made it unable for her to hear anything and her vision blurred slightly. She clung to the armrest with both hands to steady herself; the nausea overwhelming her made her feel dizzy.

"Helen, this would be against the Law," Katerina said once Helen had finally regained her hearing. "You're a minor and I am six years older than you are. Most importantly I am your tutor."

Helen said nothing, too embarrassed to talk.

"You do understand that, right?" Katerina asked, her eyes pleading. She seemed deeply distressed.

"So does this mean," Helen said hesitantly, "that you like me too? The only thing you worry about is the Law, isn't it?"

Katerina looked taken aback. "No, I..." She broke off and her blue eyes drifted to the wall opposite her, trying to avoid Helen.

"I think you should leave now," she said dryly.

Helen opened her mouth to say something, but shut it again. By the look on Katerina's face she could tell that it would be better for her to stay quiet and leave. Tentatively she got up her chair and crossed the infirmary. She remained on the threshold for a second, looking back on Katerina, but her tutor had already turned away from her.

With a sigh Helen left the room and sprinted down the hallway. Luckily she didn't meet any of her siblings; they were all playing out in the sun. She didn't want any of them to see her in despair.  
She burst into her bedroom and dropped down on her bed, burying her face in the pillow. The tears that had threatened her eyes before were now gone. Helen wasn't a person who cried much. Instead she clenched her hands into fists and punched her pillow. Her head was spinning with all kind of emotions. She was shattered, heart-broken, hurt and, above all, ashamed. Hatred started boiling inside her, tightening her chest. Most of all she hated herself. She should have just kept her mouth shut. Telling Katerina how she felt was the stupidest thing she'd done so far. How could she have believed that her tutor would return the feelings?

Helen rolled on her back and stared at the ceiling, fascinated by the play of light and shadow. The constant whooshing sound of the waves breaking underneath her window calmed her down, although she couldn't keep her mind off Katerina. Her tutor had been right. A relationship between them was forbidden by Law for so many reasons, but Helen couldn't shake the image of Katerina as she had asked her if she liked her too. She had been reluctant, but she hadn't denied it.

No, it can't be, Helen told herself. She had to stop thinking about Katerina.

If it was that simple, Helen thought and raked her hands desperately through her hair.


	4. Chapter 4 - The Beauty of Life

**Finally I am done with this chapter. Don't know why, but it took me several days to write...**

**Kt, I want to thank you for your review. My girlfriend laughed so hard, and I think she would still be making fun of me if I hadn't pointed out that it was her fault, too. Back then she was still my Beta reader, but how can I blame her? She's not a native speaker either! So thank you for taking your time and telling me that. I changed it in the last chapter and I'll never make that mistake again!**

* * *

Helen inhaled deeply, taking in the salty scent of the ocean. A soft breeze whirled up the sand on the beach, and the warmth of the sun tickled her skin. Helen had her eyes closed, and the constant whooshing sound of the breaking waves lulled her into a light sleep. For a moment she was able to forget everything surrounding her and her mind drifted off. She felt her body relax in the heat of the sun, and she rolled over, propping her head on one arm.

She could hear someone plunging into the waves, chuckling. It was a familiar sound to Helen, but it still took her another second to realize whom it was coming from. Her eyes flung open, her heart pounding wildly in her chest.

"Dru, no!" Helen called out in exasperation and immediately leaped up her chair, almost knocking over Jules who had been sitting next to her. She ignored her furiously cursing brother and dashed off to safe her sister from drowning. Her sleepiness had vanished the moment she had seen her sister in the water and now every nerve in her body was on fire, ready to do whatever was necessary.

"What were you thinking?" she said while wrapping her arms around Drusilla and lifting her up. Helen's heart was racing, panic-stricken, and she clutched at her sister as if afraid that the waves would come back to take her from her. Drusilla's pupils were widened and she stared at her sister in disbelieve.

"You're mean. I wanted to play with the fish," she said, her lower lip protruding defiantly. Helen dropped her on the bath towel that lay spread out on the sand next to the chair Jules was sitting on. He watched his sisters, playing with a bottle of sun cream while Helen bundled Drusilla up in another towel.

"You know you can't swim," Helen scolded her younger sister. "You scared me to death!"

"But-" Drusilla wanted to object, but Helen cut her off. "No, you know that you can't just plunge into the waves. It's too dangerous, and you are too young."

Drusilla's chin was now trembling and tears were threatening her eyes. "But...but they look so beautiful. I want one. "

"Well, you can't have them," Helen said as calmly as possible; she was boiling on the inside. If something had happened to her sister it would have been her fault and she couldn't take that, not now.

"They wouldn't survive if you'd take them out of the ocean," Helen said, and Drusilla buried her head in her hands, whimpering.

"Dru, please," Helen begged and pulled Drusilla up into her arms, comforting her. She hated to see her cry, but Drusilla would whine about a lot of things. She was as soft and sensitive as her brother Jules, but lacked his confidence and courage. Helen sometimes feared that she was too gentle to become a Shadowhunter one day, but that was nothing to worry about now. They would have to deal with that later.

"I'm sorry, Silla," Helen whispered, brushing a kiss on top of her sister's head. After her attempt to catch a fish in the water her hair was wet and tasted salty. Despite being wrapped into a towel Drusilla shivered in Helen's arms and her lips turned purple.

The water must have been freezing, Helen thought. It was a rather cold day in late summer, and three weeks had passed since the hot day on which Katerina had been injured. The first week after that Helen's tutor had stayed at the Institute's infirmary, but had then been released and granted a two week vacation to recover. Helen hadn't seen her since their talk they'd had and she had longed to apologize to her. She still felt embarrassed about what she'd said and had punished herself by not thinking of Katerina. The way Katerina had looked at her still hurt Helen like a thousand needles to her skin.

"Helen, I think I need your help."

Helen's head flipped back immediately and her eyes met Jules's. He was on his feet, his posture stiff. She followed his gaze, and she bit down on her lip to hold back a cry. Helen leaped up, completely forgetting about Drusilla who yelped in surprise, and ran for the twins. She almost fell halfway up to them, the warm sand unsteady under her bare feet, and dropped down next to Tiberius who stared at her with big eyes.

"What's wrong?" he asked and Helen had to keep herself from yelling at him. She knew he wouldn't understand the mistake he was about to make. Helen looked at the jellyfish that had been washed ashore and lay motionless in the sand. Tiberius had his arm still stretched out, about to touch one of the tentacles. Livia was bending over the creature, staring at it both in disgust and curiosity.

"Touch it!" she urged her twin brother. Helen's hand shot out reflexively, and she grabbed Tiberius tightly by the wrist.

"Don't you dare," she hissed at him, and Ty flinched. Helen shot a glance at Livia, her grip still firmly on Tiberius. "You don't need to encourage him. You know perfectly well that these are poisonous."

Livia collapsed on the sand and blinked at her sister, her mouth partly open.

"It was my idea," Tiberius said defensively, trying in vain to wiggle his wrist out of Helen's hand.

"No, Ty, don't," Livvy interjected. "It was my fault. I forgot they were dangerous."

"How can you forget that?" Helen asked furiously. "Everyone knows that!" She tried to control her temper, she really did, but her siblings seemed to conspire against her.

Livia's eyes narrowed on Helen and she crawled up to Ty, snatching his wrist out of Helen's grip.

"It was a mistake," she snapped, pulling Tiberius into a tight hug. "I would never let anything happen to him."

"I know you won't," Helen sighed. Livia glared at her angrily, her arms wrapped protectively around Tiberius, and said, "So leave us alone. Would you?"

Helen was taken aback for a moment, but then she slowly got to her feet, her eyes till fixed on the twins. Livia had turned her back on Helen and was now talking to Tiberius in a low voice. Helen retreated, her head spinning. She'd always known that Livia didn't like to be put in place, but she had never been disrespectful to her parents or Helen. Why snap at her now?

"Are you okay?" Jules asked worriedly as Helen sank down on the chair she had been sitting on before preventing Drusilla from drowning. She nodded absent-mindedly, watching Livia and Tiberius as they plunged back into the waves. Jules cast a glance at Drusilla who was curled up into the towel, her eyes closed, and he leaned in on Helen.

"I know you're lying," he whispered, his breath tickling Helen's cheek.

"I'm not," Helen retorted, but she felt her face blush and hastily added, "I'm fine, Jules. Everything is just fine."

"Really?" he asked skeptically. "It didn't look like everything was fine."

"Why would you say that?" she asked, her eyebrows drawn together in concern.

"Well, you did scream at Livia," he said carefully, "and I think you really scared her. I've never seen her scared before. I didn't even know what it looked like. Now I do."

"I didn't -" Helen said, but broke off, realizing with shock that the words she had said had come out more harshly than she'd indented to. She lowered her head, to ashamed to look at her own brother.

"Helen, why don't you tell me what's going on with you?" Jules asked, and Helen tilted her head to look at him. A weak smile crossed his face and his blue-green eyes stared back at Helen. His dark brown hair was ruffled, the tips still wet from his swim. He was wearing green shorts that emphasized the color of his eyes, and Helen couldn't help but notice how much he had grown. He was still way shorter than she was, but his body was slender and not chubby like it used to be. His skin was slightly tanned and unmarked; soon he would receive his first rune and start his training. Helen wished for that day to never come. She knew that he was skilled enough to become one of the best Shadowhunters, but she didn't want him too. She wanted him to stay the cute boy he was, but he was already showing traits of growing up. He was caring and he would always sense if something was wrong with her. Helen had to hold back a smile, thinking that one day a girl would fall in love with him for all the reasons Helen loved him.

"You're not answering me," Jules said slightly upset. "Please, you know you can talk to me."

Helen knew she could, but she didn't want to burden him with it. He was just a boy.

"I know," she said, "but this is nothing you should worry about. You are too young."

Jules rolled his eyes at Helen and snorted, "People keep saying that. I'll soon turn ten. I'm not a baby anymore."

A grin spread across Helen's face. "Oh, you'll always be my baby." She leaned over to ruffle his hair and Jules cried out angrily.

"Stop that!"

Helen chuckled. "You need a haircut."

"And you're just trying to distract me," he hissed, but he couldn't keep his lips from curling into a smirk. "Fine. If you don't want to tell me what's bothering you…"

He never got to finish the sentence. For the third time since they arrived at the beach Helen jumped to her feet to run for one of her siblings. This time it was her brother Mark. He looked distraught as he swiftly crossed the space separating them, and he came to a halt in front of Helen.

"What happened?" she inquired and Mark said breathlessly, pressing his flat hand to his chest, "It's… it's Viviane." He broke off, gasping for air.

Panic rose up Helen's throat and she asked alarmed, "Is it the baby?" Out of the corner of her eye she could see Jules running up to them, Drusilla by his hand. Their faces were flushed and Jules looked worried.

"Mark, what is it?" Helen urged. She didn't want her siblings to hear what she thought Mark would say. The image of Drusilla's birth was still clear in her head, Viviane pale as a ghost and her breath rattling, the sound of broken clockwork.

"She just went into labor," Mark said. His face was shining with sweat and he impatiently wiped his forehead with the hem of his shirt. "An hour ago she had started to have a fever and Dad wanted to bring her to a hospital, but it was too late. He called upon the Silent Brothers and told me to get you."

Helen's mouth opened, but the words wouldn't come out. She whirled around as she heard her sibling's footsteps on the sand and tried to put on a smile.

"What's wrong?" Jules asked immediately. Drusilla by his side looked frightened and she was desperately clutching at her older brother's hand. "Is Mommy alright?" she asked, and Helen had to bite down on her lip. She forced a smile on her face, kneeled down to be on eye-level with her sister and said, "Dru, your Mommy is going to be just fine. She's having a baby. You're going to have a baby sister or brother."

"Really?" Drusilla asked, her eyes gleaming with joy. Helen knew exactly how to cheer her sister up, but she had no idea how she could hide the fact that Viviane was not at all well once they reached the Institute. She would worry about that later.

"Stay with Mark," Helen said and Drusilla nodded obediently. "Jules, would you help me get the twins?" Julian's eyes darted from Mark to Helen, a silent question, but when no one answered he gave a sigh and followed his sister back to where they had lain.

"Will you please tell me what happened?" Jules snapped once he caught up with his sister. He hated that she was so much faster than he was, but he knew one day he would beat her. All he needed was to grow a bit more.

"Jules, please," Helen begged. She reached for the first bath towel, folded it carelessly and packed it into the bag they had brought with them. "You are-"

"I'm not too young," he hissed. "I can handle it."

Helen grabbed another towel as well as the sun cream bottle Julian had been playing with.

"You're nine years old," Helen said. "I don't want you to worry."

Julian snatched the bottle of water she wanted to put away out of her hand and Helen stared at her brother, baffled. He had his fingers tightly wrapped around the bottle and the skin on his knuckles turned white.

"You worry all the time too. Remember last time Mum had a baby?" he snapped. "Well, I was only four years old, but I still remember part of it. Helen, if something is wrong with her I need to know. I need to..."

"What?" Helen retorted sourly. "Protect her?"

Jules nodded fiercely, his eyes steady on his sister. Helen stopped for a second and stared back at Jules, gritting her teeth.

"This family really needs to stop being so protective," Helen sighed. She carefully placed a hand on Julian's shoulder and lowered her head. They were almost nose to nose.

"You've grown so much, Jules," Helen said sadly, "and I really don't like it. I wish you could just stay my baby boy, and sometimes you still act like a little child, but you worry about your family the way only an adult would. I love you so much."

She pulled him into a quick hug and when she released him she said, "Please, get Ty and Livvy. Your Mum has a fever and if something happens to her you all should have the chance to see her for a last time."

Helen turned to pick up the last item to put into the bag, but before doing so she caught another glimpse at Julian. The look on his face was devastating. She could see that he was trying not to show the fear he felt for his mother, and she watched him crestfallen as he walked over to their siblings.

* * *

"Wait out here," Helen said. Jules opened his mouth to object, but she cut him off. "I'll be right back. Mark will take care of you."

She exchanged one quick look with her brother Mark and dashed off down the hallway, glancing over her shoulder to make sure none of her siblings were following here. She didn't know what she was about to find, but she surely didn't want them to see their mother in pain.

Although it was already late afternoon heat was pressing down on Helen and by the time she reached the infirmary she was covered in sweat. She burst into the room, not caring about the noise she made, and stopped dead in her tracks by the sight of a dozen Silent Brothers gathered around a bed. Among the robed figures she could spot her father Andrew, his face was flushed and his hair in disarray. Upon seeing his daughter he broke away from the crowd and hastily walked over to her.

"Helen, where are the kids?" he asked, panic-stricken. He was breathing heavily and his hands were slightly trembling. It scared Helen seeing her father like this. She remembered the day Drusilla was born. Back then Viviane had suffered from fever after giving birth to Helen's sister and her father had been so worried he hadn't eaten for days. He had sat by Viviane's bed, Drusilla bundled up and propped in his arms, and had watched his wife sleep. One of the Silent Brothers had constantly been at their side, but no one could explain Viviane's illness.

"They are with Mark," Helen said and her father seemed to relax a little. However, his eyes darted restlessly back to where Viviane was lying and when his gaze met Helen's again the expression on his face was tensed.

"They better stay with him. I don't want them to see their mother like this," Andrew said.

"How is she?" Helen asked. "Can I see her?"

Andrew nodded mutely and took his daughter by the hand to lead her over to Viviane's bed. The Silent Brothers were gathered closely around Viviane and Helen had to stand on her tiptoes to get a look at her. The moment Helen saw Viviane, pale against the white sheets, she arched her back up and a heart-rending cry escaped her throat. Tears were spilling down her cheeks and she clutched at her sheets, digging her nails deep into the fabric. Helen flinched as another cry tore through the air.

One of the Silent Brothers pulled away from Viviane and Helen could see the rune he had just put on Viviane's arm, red against her white skin. She recognized it as a rune for strength. Viviane tossed around in bed, whimpering, as the Silent Brothers slowly retreated.

_The baby is coming, _said one of the Silent Brothers. Helen knew his voice, but she couldn't think of his name. She watched them thunderstruck as they withdrew; half of them left the room, the other half stayed at the back of the infirmary. A woman with dark curly hair, dressed in white like a nurse, hurried up to where Viviane was still lying, and Helen wondered how she couldn't have noticed her before.

Helen stepped up to Viviane's bed and startled as the nurse pressed a wet towel in her hands.

"Place this on her forehead. It will lower her fever," the woman said, frantically rummaging through the nightstand that stood next to the bed. She retrieved a pair of gloves, put them on hastily and reached for a dry towel.

"You better hold her hand," the nurse said and it took Andrew a moment to realize she was talking to him. Tentatively he stepped up to the bed, next to where Helen was patting Viviane's sweaty face with the towel, and reached for his wife's hand. Viviane cried out, her fingers wrapping tightly around Andrews wrist, and for the first time since Helen had arrived her eyes flung open. Helen had to keep herself from gasping for air, as her eyes met Viviane's, full of pain and agony. Helen was shocked to see her like that. Viviane had always been a strong, cheerful person, but now she was weak and her smile had long faded.

"You need to press _now_," the nurse urged. She had sat herself on a chair at the far end of the bed, both of her hands placed on Viviane's knees.

"I...I can't," Viviane whispered, her voice crackly. Her lips were dried out and her dark coils plastered to her wet face, curling even more at the nape of her neck. The thin nightgown she was wearing was now drenched in sweat and nearly transparent, her runes showing through the fabric.

"You have to," the nurse said, and Viviane gave another cry, her eyelids fluttering. Helen heard her father wince as Viviane buried her nails in his skin, and then Andrew whispered, "Vivi, I love you."  
He leaned in and pressed a quick kiss to his wife's cheek. Viviane screamed and then gritted her teeth, her knuckles turning white as she tightened her grip on Andrew. Another whimpering sound escaped his throat.

Helen was still too taken aback by the way Viviane had looked at her and she had completely forgotten about the wet towel she was holding on to. Hesitantly she lowered her hand and wiped away the sweat on Viviane's forehead. The woman arched up once more, her face contorted with pain, and she cried. It was a long, terrible noise, and tears were streaming down her cheeks. Andrew had started to scream as well, probably because Viviane's grip was so tight on his hand that it hurt him too.

Helen forced herself to look at Viviane's face; looking somewhere else might have given her a picture she would never forget.

"We're almost there," the nurse said, and again Viviane cried out. All of a sudden she fell silent and collapsed back on her sheets. Helen blinked at her, confused.

"What-" she was about to ask, but then she saw the expression on her father's face. His eyes were gleaming and he pulled away from Viviane, slowly approaching the nurse. Helen turned and her lips parted in surprise as she saw the woman holding the baby, wrapped into a blanket. It gave a squeaking sound followed by a cry. Andrew smiled at the nurse, one hand tentatively reaching for his child, and the woman said brightly, "Congratulations, it's a boy."

A low chuckle escaped Andrew's throat and his eyes filled with tears. He held his hands out and the nurse carefully placed the baby in his arms. He walked back to Viviane, his eyes never leaving the baby, and leaned in on his wife. Viviane looked ghostly, but the moment she saw her boy a weak smile crossed her face.

"My Octavian," she whispered, a single tear rolling down her cheek. Andrew and Viviane gazed at the newborn, both smiling broadly. Helen stood motionless, still clutching the towel in her hands, and stared at them. She was close to tears as well, but it was tears of joy. A few minutes ago the room had been filled with Silent Brothers and everyone had been worried about Viviane who had been close to unconsciousness. The little boy, however, had seemed to change all that and had taken away Viviane's pain. Helen remembered the way Viviane had looked when she had shown her Drusilla for the first time. It had been the same look of love she had on her face after she had given birth to Julian and the twins. Only a mother could have that look and experience the joy bearing a child gave you. Nothing was as beautiful as this moment.

Helen wiped away a tear that found its way down her cheek, placed the towel in a bowl the nurse held out to her and turned around to leave. The Silent Brothers were already gathering around the newborn and its proud parents.


	5. Chapter 5 - The Unrequited Love

**Thank you, Kt, for your review. Yes, there is definitely a sad chapter coming up.**

**In the meantime I have to announce that I will put this story on hold FOR NOW. I am really enjoying writing about the Blackthorns, but I can't do two stories at a time. I thought I could, but I can't. I need to concentrate on the other one for now, so I can finish it the way I've always planned. **

**To the followers of this story and those who might start reading while it's on hold, I say, please be patient with me. I will be continuing this story once the other one is finished. Thank you!**

**P.S: I apologize up front for the cliff hanger I'm leaving you with!**

* * *

"He's so adorable," Helen said, looking down at Tavvy who was bundled up in a blanket in her arms. Viviane had handed him to Helen with a heavy heart, but she was still too weak to hold him all the time. Helen had walked her from the infirmary to the living room where she had settled down on the love seat, her face pale in the daylight that poured through the open windows.

"Look at his hands! He is so tiny," Helen said, a broad grin on her face. She ran a finger along Tavvy's chubby arm and the boy chuckled, his eyelids fluttering. When he had opened his eyes for the first time, no one had been surprised to find that they were the unmistakable blue-green Blackthorn color. The mob of hair on his head wasn't much, but enough to tell that one day he would have the same dark brown, curly hair like most of his siblings.

Tavvy opened his tiny hand and grabbed Helen's finger. She smiled at him happily, probably in the same goofy way her parents had stared at him after he was born.

"Don't you remember holding Drusilla?" Viviane said, and Helen lifted her head to look at her step-mother. "She was even tinier than Tavvy."

Helen nodded mutely, too taken aback by the look on Viviane's face. She looked exhausted and weak after their walk from the infirmary up here. Although her face was pale, her cheeks were flushed and her hair was plastered due to sweat to the nape of her neck. The Silent Brothers had reassured them that she would recover and had drawn another strength rune as well as a strong _iratze_ before leaving, but Helen was still worried that the fever would come back.

"How are you?" Helen asked in concern. Viviane reached for the blanket that lay by her feet and draped it over her now shaking body. She seemed to be hot and cold at the same time.

"Helen, please don't worry," Viviane said, her voice hoarsely. All color seemed to have faded from her eyes and they were a dull grey, staring at Helen blankly. "I'll be fine."

"But-" Helen was about to object when the sound of footsteps came from the hallway. A second later Drusilla and Julian appeared on the threshold, followed by the twins, Mark and their father Andrew. Drusilla peered into the room, indecisive if they should enter or not. Helen nodded at them approvingly and her sister swiftly crossed the room to sit down on the sofa with her. Her eyes gleamed as she saw her little brother peacefully snuggled into Helen's arms.

Julian, Mark and the twins approached them tentatively and gathered around the sofa to look at Tavvy. Andrew walked up to Viviane, placed a hand on her shoulder and she leaned her head against his arm, dreamily watching her children. If feeling weak and sick was the price she had to pay to witness this moment then she was willing to pay it repeatedly.

"Can I hold him?" Drusilla asked, her eyes nervously darting between her parents and Helen.

"Of course you can," Viviane said cheerfully, and Helen handed Tavvy to Dru, one hand carefully placed underneath his head. She showed Drusilla the right way to hold a baby; after having six younger siblings of whom she had held five as a baby she was trained in that matter and knew exactly what to do.

Drusilla's eyes brightened and the twins came closer, curiously gazing at their newborn brother. Julian and Mark had positioned themselves behind Helen, leaning over her shoulder to get a closer look on Tavvy.

"I want to hold him next," Julian exclaimed, and Helen almost flinched by his breath tickling her cheek.

"What about me?" Livia said and straightened herself up as if to prove a point. They glared at each other firmly, and Andrew said, "You'll all get the chance to hold him, but he's not a toy. He needs to be treated carefully."

Livia and Jules lowered their heads remorsefully and muttered in unison, "We know he's not a toy."

There was a moment of silence and everyone kept staring at the baby until a knock on the door startled them all.

"May I interrupt?"

Helen's heart skipped a beat. She didn't need to look at the person to know who it was; she could recognize the voice anywhere.

"Katerina, please come on in." It was Andrew. Helen saw out of the corner of her eyes her father getting up and greeting Katerina with a handshake. "I see you have recovered?"

Helen forced herself to avert her gaze and concentrated on looking at Tavvy instead, but then she figured that avoiding Katerina would be even more awkward than actually seeing her. She slowly lifted her head.

"I've never felt better.", Katerina said brightly, and her eyes met Helen's momentarily. The half-faerie felt her cheeks blush and cursed her pale skin.

"I'd like to pick up the training next week, if you don't mind," Katerina continued, and Helen couldn't help but notice how beautiful she looked in casual clothes. She was wearing a long, turquoise dress that fitted her body perfectly and enhanced the color of her skin. Her black hair was braided loosely over her shoulder and her eyes were slightly smudged with mascara.

"I don't mind at all," Andrew said happily. "On the contrary, I think it's necessary to start training as soon as possible. I gladly offered you that two week vacations, because I felt responsible for what had happened, but Helen and Mark need to move on with their training."

Katerina nodded. "Great, so I'll be in on Monday?" She cast a glance at Mark and Helen, her blue eyes like needles on Helen's skin. She felt as if Katerina was looking directly into her soul, but she was probably just imagining things.

Mark looked very pleased with the news and excused himself from the living room, saying he needed to look for a new bow.

"Can I go with him?" Julian begged, and Andrew opened his mouth to respond, but Viviane was quicker. "Yes, but don't touch any of the daggers."  
A broad grin spread across Jules' face and he dashed off.

"He's too young!" Andrew exclaimed in frustration by the time Jules had already left, and his eyes met Viviane's.

"Don't be so hard on him. His tenth birthday is close and then we won't have a choice but allow him to go to the weapons room. Besides, Mark is with him and I trust that he knows how to behave."

Tavvy gave a low, gurgling noise and everyone including Katerina turned their attention towards him. Viviane looked tensed, even terrified.

"It's nothing. He's just dreaming," Helen reassured her. Drusilla had gone rigid next to her, not wanting to wake up her little brother.

"Actually I came here to congratulate you," Katerina said facing Viviane. "I even brought a little something."

She reached into her bag and retrieved a small box wrapped into a baby blue paper with loving care. "It's not much, but I made it myself."

Viviane accepted the present gladly, opened it without ripping the paper into pieces and held up a tiny pair of socks. They were the same color as the packing with the image of yellow ducks on it.

"These are lovely, Katerina. Did you really make them yourself?" Viviane asked astonished. It did surprise Helen as well. She hadn't thought that her tough tutor would have the patience to sit down and knit a pair of baby socks.

Katerina's lips curled into a smirk. "I am not much of an artist and I am surely not creative, but my mother taught me how to knit. So this is basically the only thing I can create with my own hands."

"I'm glad you have some skills other than teaching my children how to throw a knife or shoot an arrow," Andrew laughed.

"That I am good at," Katerina chuckled.

"Don't you want to take a seat?" Viviane asked and facing her husband she added, "Would you get something to drink for all of us?"

Andrew nodded obediently and as he left, Katerina had taken the seat across from Viviane. Her eyes darted to Tavvy who was still fast asleep in Drusilla's arm. Dru clutched at him protectively as if she feared Katerina would hurt him. Helen was again averting her gaze from Katerina, and she noticed that at some point during the conversation the twins had left the room as well. It was only the four of them left and the baby that continued sleeping peacefully.

The silence in the room was pressing down on Helen and she felt embarrassed, exposed to Katerina's eyes. She had imagined this moment so many times during the past few weeks, had dreamed of apologizing to Katerina and had even believed that there was still a chance her tutor might return the love. Now she couldn't help but see how foolish she had been to hold on to those illusions when in reality she couldn't even bear to look at Katerina. All she wanted was for this moment to be over, for someone to free her from her misery.

Another second passed and Helen was about to curse destiny for not granting her this one wish when a familiar voice from the door sounded.

"Viviane, there you are! Can we come in?"

"You don't need to ask. I'm glad you could make it," Viviane replied happily, and Helen looked up to see the Carstairs entering the living room. Cordelia Carstairs had her blond, wavy hair pulled up into a ponytail and was dressed casually as most people would on a hot, sunny late summer day in Los Angeles. Her hand was on the back of a nine-year-old girl whose hair was the same color as her mothers, and her eyes were wide, gazing through the room frantically as if she was looking for something. No, not something, Helen thought, someone. Ever since Cordelia, Viviane's parabatai, had brought her daughter Emma over to the Institute, the girl and Jules had been inseparable, and sometimes it seemed Julian was the center of her life, an invisible force constantly pushing her towards him. Helen had always admired their friendship and had wished for someone who would care about her as much as Emma cared about Jules.

John Carstairs had a content look on his face, and the three of them approached Viviane. Helen's step-mother struggled in an upright position, the blanket sliding down to the floor. She bent over to pick it up, but Helen was quickly by her side, grabbing the blanket tightly. Viviane smiled at her weakly, and returned her attention to the newcomers.

"Emma, look at you. You've grown so much," Viviane exclaimed, and Emma stepped up to give her a quick hug. Emma had never been a shy girl, and she had opened up to the Blackthorns easily, treating them as her own family. Maybe in some way we even are her other family, Helen thought.

"We brought something for Tavvy," Emma said, and proudly held up a small bag with the print of a duck on it. What is it with those ducks, Helen wondered, and watched Viviane taking the present Emma held out to her.

"Thank you, Emma. Did you pick that yourself?"

Emma nodded vehemently, her chest swelling with pride. Viviane retrieved a small package from the bag, wrapped in green paper, and carefully unwrapped the present. Helen leaned in to take a closer look at the item Viviane held up. It was a snow globe, beautifully crafted, and with a snow man at its center. Viviane shook it gently and the snow whirled around inside.

"Emma, this looks so nice," Viviane said, and Emma grinned even more. "But why did you pick a snow globe?" It seemed an unusual present for a newborn. Viviane was used to getting tons of clothes, toys and teddy bears, but never had someone gave her such a delicate piece.

A smirk crossed Emma's face and she said, still sounding proud and confident, "I've always loved the idea of snow, but I've never seen any. In Los Angeles it's always sunny, but I wanted Tavvy to see snow. Maybe he'll love it as much as I do."

"Emma, this is so –" Viviane broke off, too touched to talk. Her eyes were shining with tears and she reached out for Emma, pulling the girl in yet another tight hug. "Thank you," she murmured.

The moment Emma was released by Viviane she asked impatiently, "Can I go see Jules now?"

"Emma, don't be so rude," her mother scolded her, but Viviane quickly interjected, "No, it's fine, Cordelia. Jules is in the weapons room with Mark. Helen will bring you there."

Helen nodded obediently, and hastily got up her chair. Tavvy was still cuddled into Dru's arm and she trusted her sister with holding their youngest brother.

"Come on, Emma," she said and reached for the young girl's hand. Emma however refused, and Helen suppressed a sigh. She should have known that Emma wouldn't take her hand. She was stubborn and didn't like the help of others, not even Julian's.

They left the room and walked off down the hallway in silence. Upon seeing Julian peeking out from the weapons room Emma dashed off, not even saying goodbye to Helen. The half-faerie let out a sigh, gladly welcoming a moment of silence. Sometimes she needed a timeout from her hectic life, but now with another screaming sibling in the house it almost seemed impossible to get one of those moments. She strolled along the hallway, bright light pouring in through the tall windows facing the ocean, and her constantly working mind finally came to a rest. She inhaled deeply, taking in the salty scent that carried up from the ocean, and hummed, a melody she knew since she was a child. It was a song Viviane used to sing to her when she was little and now and then she would hum its calming melody. Her step-mother had an incredible voice and Helen had always hoped to be as good a singer as her, but she doubted she ever would.

"You have a beautiful voice."

Startled, she came to an abrupt halt as she saw Katerina approaching her. Her cheeks were flushed and she realized she had sung the last few lines out loud. She blinked at her tutor, and no words would come out. Katerina was striking, her crystal blue eyes resting on Helen as she stepped closer to the half-faerie. Though she kept her distance, Helen could smell her perfume and it made her feel dizzy. Helen searched her mind frantically for the words she had thought about for weeks, but all the things she had wanted to say to Katerina seemed to have vanished.

Katerina lowered her gaze and said, "I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable, but I needed to come here. You know I had to." Her tutor was still averting her eyes, and Helen swallowed hard against the lump in her throat. She had spent hours, days, picturing this moment and every time she had been able to talk to Katerina, to tell her how sorry she felt for what she'd said, but now she knew that she had only been daydreaming and would never have the courage to apologize to Katerina.

"Helen, I didn't intend to hurt your feelings," Katerina said, an uneven tone to her voice, and Helen thought she saw her hands slightly trembling. "I haven't changed my mind about it and I never will. I won't risk my place as a tutor, Helen, please understand this. This job is all I've ever dreamed of."

Katerina lifted her head, and Helen felt Katrina's eyes on her, but she kept her gaze lowered. She wasn't ready to face her, and instead she mumbled, "I've never wanted to get you into trouble, I'm sorry."

"No, I am sorry. Once I was where you are now," Katerina said, "and I know the feeling of unrequited love and how much it can hurt. I don't want to be the reason for your pain, but we can never happen. You know this isn't possible and you have to understand this."

Helen said nothing, slowly gritting her teeth. Anger was boiling up inside her chest, anger for herself. She was stupid to believe that Katerina would have changed her mind during the last two weeks. Helen's eyes darted up, meeting with Katerina's gaze for the first time, and she said sourly, "I get it. I won't bother you again." The words had come out in a harsh tone, but it was the only way she could keep from melting at the sight of Katerina's stunning blue eyes. Once more Helen felt her face flush and turned away quickly.

"I'll see you on Monday, then."

"Helen, please, don't," Katerina begged and reached out for the half-faerie, placing her hand on her shoulder. Helen flinched by the touch of Katerina's fingers firmly on her bare skin, and Katerina yanked at her shoulder, forcing her to turn around. The look on Katerina's face was pleading and for a moment Helen was confused, staring at her tutor in disbelieve.

"Don't what?" Helen snarled. All she wanted was for this conversation to be over.

"Don't walk away from me," Katerina said sadly, and Helen's heart skipped another beat.

"Why not?" she said, but the words were only a whisper. Katerina's grip was still firm on Helen's shoulder and they were so close Helen could see every freckle on Katerina's otherwise flawless skin. Her tutor's perfume was tickling Helen's nose, and she looked up – Helen was at least one head shorter – to meet her eyes with Katerina's.

Her tutor's eyes were wide, a distraught look on her face, and Helen stared back at her, baffled. Her lips parted slightly, about to make another harsh comment, and Katerina shifted, leaning in towards Helen. Suddenly Katerina's lips were on hers and a sound of surprise escaped her throat. She squeezed her eyes shut, the touch of Katerina's lips on hers unfamiliar, and she stiffened. Katerina's scent blurred her mind, her soft lips paralyzing her, and the kiss ended as sudden as it had started.

Helen let out a breath, Katerina's sweet taste still on her lips, and she gazed at her tutor. Katerina looked shocked, and she hastily pulled away from Helen, muttering, "I'm so sorry."

She retreated, looking at Helen as if she was something poisonous. "Helen, I'm so sorry," Katerina repeated. "I shouldn't have done this."

Helen's mind was whirling. Minutes ago Katerina had been talking about unrequited love and not wanting to risk her position as a tutor, so why kiss her?

"I…I have to go," Katerina stammered, and there were probably a million things Helen could have said, but instead she watched her tutor disappear in the corridor. She remained where she was, glued to the spot where she had been kissed seconds ago, and she stared straight ahead. Too many things were crossing her mind and she couldn't concentrate on one, couldn't figure out what had happened. Her heart was hammering in her chest, and minutes passed, maybe even an hour until Emma and Jules burst out of the weapons room, snapping her out of her daze.


End file.
